


Corrine: Lost Loves

by slaysvamps



Series: Corrine Wright Chronicles [6]
Category: World of Darkness (Games)
Genre: F/M, Half-Damned: Dhampyr, Mage: The Ascension - Freeform, Vampire: The Masquerade - Freeform, Werewolf: the Apocalypse - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 21:07:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20414311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slaysvamps/pseuds/slaysvamps
Summary: Corrine has to deal with Cormac's death, Eliza's depression and a demanding boyfriend. Something has to give.





	1. Getting the News

**Author's Note:**

> While we have used the names of some celebrities and their likenesses (such as the Backstreet Boys) this is not a RPF.
> 
> This story was written by a friend of mine and she should get all the credit. Unfortunately, she does not have an AO3 profile, so I can't tag her, but she knows who she is!

_I thought you should know_  
_Daddy died today_  
_He closed his eyes and he left here_  
_ Poe - intro: call to mother_

### December, 2000

My father is dead.

Not my Dad, the man that raised me from infancy and tucked me into bed at night. Not the one whom I still call Daddy and sometimes give butterfly kisses to in the warm sunshine after we’ve brought in hay from the field. No, not him.

Cormac Brennan. Mac. The man responsible for my existence. The man who was supposed to be indestructible... supposed to live forever… was dead. No amount of magick that I or the rest of my family were capable of could bring him back.

For the first time this winter I finally feel the cold fingers of bleakness, the likes of which I have never known in my nearly twenty-one years. I feel so alone as I stand looking out the large picture window of my apartment, the city spread out below me as people bustle about in the fresh powder of the latest snowfall.

Winter in New England was usually a favorite season of mine. It always signified the quiet part of the year on the farm, when my Dad was able to spend more time with my Mom and me. I remember sledding down the big hill behind the barn and building a family of snowmen out in the north pasture when I was five with Dad and Eliza. Now all I felt was an emptiness that I couldn’t seem to shake.

It was less than a half an hour since the portal had closed behind Glenn and already I felt like climbing the walls as if I was locked in a cell for life. The funeral had taken place two days ago and I was pretty sure that I didn’t have any more tears left to shed, but my heart ached, nevertheless. I was finding it hard to formulate words about what I was feeling but I knew one thing for certain, my little apartment was beginning to feel like a tomb and its walls were closing in on me.

I was worried about Eliza, my birth mother and the closest friend I had ever known in the world. She had always been more like a sister then a mother and I didn’t want it any other way. She understood me, always had, and I like to think that I understand her as well. Not as much as Mac did, of course, but I like to think that I was a part of her inner circle and that one day she will stop thinking of me as a little girl and let me be the confidant to her that I had always wanted to be.

She was the one who would miss Mac the most. She was the one who had witnessed him die not just once, but twice. The first time was when he was mortal, and they had been attacked by the vampires in Baltimore. They had been hunters there and instead of killing Mac, the vampire had been made him one of them, and in doing so he had lost his memories of his family and the woman he loved.

They had found each other again a little over a year ago and were managing to rebuild a life together. That is, until this last trip to Europe where Eliza had to watch him die for a second time.

Tearing my eyes from the inconsequential happenings outside, my gaze immediately went to the answering machine and the tiny red light that was blinking madly, signifying that multiple messages awaited me. I crossed to the small table that held the machine and the cordless phone and numbly pressed the button.

Beep.

_“Hey baby. Sam called me and let me know what happened. I’m so sorry about Cormac. Listen, if you want me to be there I will. Just call me and I’ll drop everything. Call me Corrine. I love you.”_

I felt a small smile pull up the corners of my lips at hearing Brian’s voice. There had been many a time in the last few days that I’d wished he could have been with me, but he would have been put in danger being so close to my family. I’d had to keep him away to protect him.

Beep.

_“Hi Corrine, its Sam. I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know that you were staying with your grandparents for a few more days but give me a call when you get home. AJ and I are both so sorry about Cormac. Talk to you when you get back.”_

Samantha McLean was a fellow member of the coven I’d joined a few short months ago, after learning what we both were. Mages. Magick Wielders. Spirit Walkers. We were students together; both being taught by the High Priest and Priestess of the coven.

Beep.

_“Corrine, its Jared. Call me. I’m worried about you.”_

Jared Smith. My teacher, Jared Smith. He’d known Mac and Eliza in Baltimore, all those years ago. Sometimes I thought he’d only taken me on as his student because of the events that led to Mac becoming a vampire.

Beep.

_“Corrine, I’m so sorry.”_ Rachel Black, the priestess of the Black Rose Coven and Samantha’s, teacher. _“Samantha called me, and I just wanted to call and let you know that we are all sending you the most positive energy we can. If you need anything call me. I know that Jared is concerned for you as well. Be sure to call him when you get home.”_

Beep.

_“Corrine… honey...”_ Brain’s voice was quiet and as the message played I could see him sitting at his desk or looking out the window as he made the call. _“… please call me. I haven’t heard from you and I’m worried as hell. I love you. Call me.”_

Beep… there were various other calls from the other members of the coven. They all wanted to extend their condolences on my loss and to let me know that if I needed anything to call them. I was touched by their effort, but right now there was nothing any of them could have done to help me. They couldn’t make Eliza happy again by bringing Mac back to her. No one could play God to that degree.

I only half listened to the rest of the messages as I began to remove the dress pants and sweater I had put on that morning in the room Eliza and I had shared in my grandparents’ house and exchanged them for a warm pair of flannel pajamas. I decided to ignore most of the messages for now, but there were two calls that I couldn’t disregard.

Mechanically, I hit speed dial as I sank down onto the couch. Brian answered in two rings. “Corrine?” he asked anxiously. “Honey, how are you?”

“I’m okay,” I said, not bothering to make the effort to disguise my tired voice. “I just got in and I wanted to let you know I’m okay.”

“Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be right there.” He didn’t give me a chance to argue, to say that I didn’t feel like company right now, before he hung up. I sighed heavily as I glanced around the apartment, making sure that everything was tidy for my imminent visitor, but I really didn’t care. Other than a light covering of dust, everything was just as I left it. No surprises.

My eyes fell on the front door and instantly I remembered being awakened four nights ago by my aunt’s knock at nearly midnight. I had been asleep. Not deeply, but enough to feel disoriented when the knock had come.

I remembered how I had fumbled with my robe as I made my way to the door, wondering who it could have been at the late hour. Brian had been scheduled to be at the Boston store early that next morning and he had told me that he didn’t want to wake me when he got up, that’s why he wasn’t there with me. I didn’t think it was him as my feet quickly brought me to the door.

It couldn’t have been Mac or Eliza either. They were out of the country on some kind of vampire business and didn’t know when they would be back. They had called the night before to let me know that they were in Norway or something and that things were progressing as well as could be expected, whatever that meant. Besides, Eliza would have called if they were returning earlier than they thought.

Siofra was the last person I had expected to see when I looked through the peephole. My mind was still foggy from sleep so I didn’t stop to think that something could be wrong as I undid the locks and opened the door. “Siofra? What are you doing here?”

She looked worn and drawn, like she had bad news of some kind. “Corrine, can I come in?” I moved aside instantly, trying to digest her appearance and the fact that her hands were tightly clasped in front of her. She stepped over the threshold and immediately moved to the couch, beckoning for me to sit next to her. “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”

I felt panic rise in my chest as I inched toward the couch and I stifled the need to beg her to tell me what had happened. Cormac’s sister and I didn’t have the best of relationships. She had seemed like a nice enough woman when I had first met her, but things changed. At first I felt reassured when I learned that she was a mage as well as my aunt, but the fact that she and her husband, Glenn, used to hunt vampires hadn’t set well with me.

The way I saw it, none of us have the right to be judge, jury and executioner to any group of people, regardless of what we thought of them. Kindred could be worked with, that much I had learned in the short amount of time I’d been around them.

I also didn’t like the way Siofra had treated Eliza. Siofra didn’t keep it a secret that she thought Eliza was responsible for Mac’s death the first time, when he had been made a vampire. Eliza thought she was responsible, too, and never defended herself against Siofra’s indignation, thinking that she deserved it. I, on the other hand, didn’t keep my mouth shut and things were rocky between me and my aunt and uncle, but getting better as time progressed.

I knew that if Siofra was at my door it had to be bad. Suddenly something clicked in my head. “Is Grandfather alright?” I had asked breathlessly.

“He’s fine,” she had been quick to reassure me as she reached over and took my hand, pulling me down to sit next to her. “Glenn got a call from Eddie Lane a few hours ago, Corrine,” Siofra stopped long enough to take a shaky breath before continuing. “I’m afraid that your father was killed tonight in Edinburgh.”

The truth of what she was saying had shot into my chest like a semi truck going full speed into a brick wall. Mac dead? That couldn’t be. It was impossible. He was a vampire. Only certain things could kill him now. I’d had trouble comprehending what she had been saying to me, but her next statement shocked me further.

“I would have come sooner, but our first priority was to take care of Eliza. Glenn is with her right now, trying to help her get through the initial shock. She’s taking it very hard.”

Eliza? Oh, God I felt incredibly guilty because my first thought hadn’t been of her. How was she coping? Of course, it would be awful for her. Mac was the love of her life. Tears formed in my eyes and I remembered Siofra taking me in her arms. I cried for the man I had only known for a year. I cried for the pain my best friend was going through. I cried for my newfound family who now had to suffer the loss of him all over again.

Most of all I cried for Mac. He had lived for nearly twenty years with no memory of who or what he had been before becoming a vampire, but by finding Eliza he had been slowly regaining those memories. He had been getting to know his family again. Now they had lost him again as well, only this time there wouldn’t be a second chance.

I let Siofra comfort me as we both shed tears of mourning. When I asked her how it had happened all she could tell me was that the demon that they had been hunting had killed him. Eliza was now in Nashville with Glenn and she was in bad shape. Siofra agreed to take me to her, but first Grandmother and Grandfather had to be told. Did I want to go with her?

Of course, I knew that I’d had to go with her to Ireland. I had quickly thrown clothes into a bag and called Jared to let him know I would be away for a while, then we left Salem, bound for Galway.

~*~*~*~*~

Thinking of Jared jarred my thoughts to the present. I didn’t want to make the next call to my mentor, but I knew I couldn’t hold off any longer. I wanted nothing more than a few hours to myself, but if Jared caught wind that I was back and hadn’t contacted him, he would be angry and think that I was beginning to not trust him. Our relationship required complete trust in each other, and I didn’t want to endanger that bond.

“Hi,” I said into the receiver when he answered. “I just wanted to let you know I’m back.”

“How are you doing?” he asked. He had come to the funeral two days before and for that I was glad. He had even gone so far as to bring Samantha with him, knowing that I might need as much moral support as possible, which I had. Seeing the both of them had been like putting the ground underneath me again and I would be forever grateful for their presence. I’d wished that Brian could have come to Ireland as well, but as a mortal, his presence in a house full of mages would have made the situation difficult and honestly I’d had my hands full with Eliza.

“I’m okay,” I told Jared and I almost believed the words.

We talked for a few minutes and after I had assured him that I would be okay with time, he said good-bye and I hung up. I had no sooner placed the phone back on the charger when there was a knock on the door.


	2. Where Do We Go From Here?

_Don't cry_  
_There's always a way_  
_Here in November in this house of leaves_  
_We'll pray_  
_ Poe - Haunted_

“Corrine?” I heard Brian say from the other side on the door as I went to answer it. He pulled me into his strong embrace as soon as I closed the door behind him, and I had to make my body relax into his. “Hey honey. God, I’m so sorry,” he said, his face in my hair. “I wanted to be with you, but you never called.”

He pulled back and took my face in his hands so that he could look in my eyes. “How are you holding up? Sam told me that the funeral was small, and that Eliza looks pretty beat up.”

“We’re okay,” I said as I put my hands over his to feel his warmth. Samantha was Brian’s cousin and I was grateful that she had been sharing information with him. I would have to remember to thank her when I saw her next. “I’m sorry that I didn’t call, but I just didn’t think. Eliza was my first concern and she was who I had to concentrate on.”

“That’s okay,” he said, leaning in to briefly kiss my lips. “Sam said that she tried to get a hold of me that morning, but I was in Boston at the store. I wish they would find a permanent store manager, so I didn’t have to split my time between there and here.” Brian worked at the local bookstore, but his true passion was in restoring old Victorian homes and he was extremely good at it. His blue eyes reminded me of a clear spring sky on the farm. So blue and sparkling and they promised so much love and protection. Too bad I was beginning to realize that he couldn’t protect me. Not the way he wanted to anyhow.

“It’s okay,” I told him, wishing that the questions he was about to ask wouldn’t come. I didn’t want to talk about what had happen to Mac. We had gone through a nightmare in the past few days and I just wanted to forget about it for a minute. I wanted things to be as they were last week when I didn’t feel like the rug had just been ripped out from under my world.

“What about Eliza?” he asked, his eyes darting behind me as if he were looking for her. “Did she come back with you?”

I shook my head. I didn’t know how I was going to handle the subject of Eliza with my friends. Now that Mac’s funeral was over, my mind was able to look at more mundane things, like the fact that all of our lives were too tightly mixed up with the vampires of Salem.

Brain’s cousin, Rafe, was Samantha’s brother as well and he was married to one of Mac’s clanmates, Brenda Brown. I had only a basic knowledge of how the vampires organized themselves, but I knew that Mac’s group were like mages and they were all sure to be wondering where Eliza was right now. She is a Dhampyr, half human and half vampire; and she was extremely valuable to them. From what Eliza and Mac had told me in recent months, Eliza had made a deal with them soon after she gave birth to me. She would work for them, but in return I was off limits and they paid her large sums of money for what she did, all of which was put into an account for me.

They had invested a great deal of time and money into Eliza’s existence. I got the feeling that they were a really powerful group and wouldn’t appreciate her disappearing act. All I knew for certain was that Eliza didn’t want to be around them anymore and in order to protect Brian there was no way that I could ever tell him where she was. Because of his family connections, he knew way more about the different supernatural groups than most mortals did. More than most mortals were allowed to know. I trusted that he wouldn’t run back to the vampires with Eliza’s whereabouts, but they had ways of learning things even if you didn’t want them too.

To make matters worse was that as Rafe’s sister, I couldn’t tell Samantha where Eliza was either for the same reason.

Even Jared, my mentor and teacher, held strong ties to the vampires of the city. Brenda was an honorary member of the Black Rose Coven and therefore close to Jared and Rachel.

I needed to bide my time to see what would happen and I resigned myself to holding my tongue as to the whereabouts of Eliza from anyone here in Salem. I would never forgive myself if the vampires ever decided that getting her back was more important than the lives of my friends to do it.

“No, Eliza didn’t come back with me,” I told Brian as I pulled away and walked further into the apartment. “She won’t be coming back to Salem.”

I felt Brian come up behind me and slip his hands around my waist, his chin coming to rest on my shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, his voice this with concern.

My initial response to say no, but thankfully I was able to stifle it in time before I could hurt his feelings. It wasn’t Brian’s fault that he had a hard time grasping the ins and outs of my life and that was something I had come to accept in our relationship. He wasn’t a vampire or a werewolf. He wasn’t a mage, like me or his cousin. He was a man…living between the mundane world he had always known and the extraordinary one that was opened to him after we started dating.

He was my lover and friend, but I wasn’t sure that he was my confidant. Brian had made it well known that he was leery of my powers and that he didn’t understand them or how they worked, nor had he really made an attempt to ask me about them. He was a man who liked to work with his hands and that was what he understood. Being able to magickally levitate a vase across the room didn’t fit into the way he saw things.

I wanted to have an honest and caring relationship with Brian and that meant sharing with him what I could even if he did have his doubts. “They were in Europe hunting a demon,” I started, glad that my back was pressed to him so that I wouldn’t have to try to read his features. I was also relieved that he wouldn’t see mine as they contorted in revived anguish as the tears that I had thought all used up began to form again.

“Its name was Marbas and from what Eliza told us, he wanted to block out the sun forever.” As I continued to speak, my mind drifted back to just a few days before when the family had all sat in the living room of my grandparent’s home in Galway and it was Eliza who had spoken the words that rung with such finality.

Mac and the others had tracked the demon to Edinburgh where they located a knife at a local Inquisition house that had been crafted specifically to kill it. Yes, the Inquisition is still alive and well, despise the Catholic Church’s claims to the contrary. The group had cast a circle within a circle in an effort to hold the demon when they summoned it and Mac stood alone inside the inner one, not allowing anyone else to put themselves that close to the danger.

“Mac wanted to be in the circle the demon would show up in,” I remembered Eliza saying as I sat beside her in my grandparents living room. It broke my heart to hear the sorrow in her voice and I remembered wishing I could take the pain for her even though I knew it was impossible. Too bad I didn’t realize that I was already full myself. “He stabbed it, but I think he missed the heart. It screamed,” she had gone on and I could almost imagine hearing the screams that must have gone through the room. “Then it threw him out of the circle.”

I felt Brian’s hands on my arms as he soothingly ran them up and down. I realized that I was echoing Eliza’s story to him and by reminding me of his presence Brian kept me from sinking into the tale of horror. It was something that I had begun to dream about, but that was a secret I had told no one.

“They kept shooting at it, but it kept coming,” I told him numbly. Even though I hadn’t been there, the scene played itself out in my mind. I could see Eliza fall when the demon swiped at her and I could see the feathers and blood from its demonic visage as they flew through the air, covering everything in sight. “Mac attacked again and managed to get it to the ground this time, but it was too strong, and it plunged its claws in his chest.”

Sometime during the tale Brian had turned me to face him, but I wouldn’t allow him to pull my face to his chest because my body was too stiff with the emotion of the telling. “She had to sit in front of the family and tell the story,” I told him, my eyes meeting his for the first time. “The whole time holding what was left of him in a Ziploc bag on her lap.” I heard my voice break as my knees buckled beneath me and Brian scooped my in his arms and gently put me down on the couch where he held me, telling me in soft murmurs that it was going to be alright until once again my tears had run themselves out.

“I held her hand the whole time,” I choked out helplessly, my face still in his shirt. “There was nothing else I could do.”

“Being there was enough I’m sure,” Brian said quietly as he reached behind him to grab a box of tissues from the table next to the couch. I took one and wiped my face in quick strokes as he leaned forward to kiss my temple. “At least you weren’t with them,” he commented, his voice full of relief.

I looked up at him, not knowing how to take his last comment. I wondered what he would think if he knew that all I had wished for was the opportunity to be there at the time. I knew that both Mac and Eliza would have never allowed me to accompany them on the dangerous ‘mission’ they had gone on, but I couldn’t help thinking that there might have been something I could have done that just might have turned the tide enough, allowing Mac to still be with us.

“I’m not a child, Brian,” I retorted a little harsher than I should have as I stood and moved to the kitchen area so that I could put the tea kettle on. “As much as everyone would like to think I am, I’m not.”

“That’s not what I’m getting at and you know it, Corrine,” Brian replied as he got to his feet as well and followed me part way across the room. I glanced over my shoulder and I saw that his hands were in his pockets. A sure sign that he was preparing for a fight even though I wasn’t sure how I knew it was a sign to begin with.

“And just what are you getting at?” I asked as I leaned my hip against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest protectively, gathering my defenses as well.

His features were slightly twisted, and he wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I don’t like the thought of you being in that much danger.”

I felt my eyes as they narrowed, and I watched him with a guarded expression. “Really? And just how much danger am I allowed to be around?” I asked as evenly as possible.

Brian’s hands came out of his pockets and he held them out so that his palms faced me. “Let’s not do this Corrine,” he said, the fight going out from him suddenly. “Your father has just been killed and I don’t want to cause you any more pain.”

“Well it’s too late,” I snapped back. “Brian, I thought you understood that I’m not studying magick to be able to perform parlor tricks at a seven-year olds birthday party. There is war going on out there and I have to take my place in it.”

He looked at me silently for a minute and just when I thought that he had nothing to say he cleared his throat and spoke. “Corrine, I know we’ve only been together a year, but I think you know how I feel about you. I want to share my life with you, to start a family, and grow old with you, but I don’t know if we can do that, not the way things are now.”

I was taken aback. Floored actually by his revelation. Granted, our relationship was still pretty new, and even though I had allowed Brian to get closer then anyone else since Tommy Baker, a really stupid mistake I’d made as a teenager. I hadn’t even thought about anything beyond dating for the longest time. There was so much that I wanted to do with my life and marriage wasn’t really in my thoughts right now. Sure, I enjoyed Brian’s company and I was pretty sure that I loved him, but not enough for the seriousness that he was talking about. I was worried because he thought we were automatically headed for doom because of my abilities.

“How can you say that?” I asked him. “Look at Sam and AJ. They-”

“I have,” Brian interrupted. “And I’ve seen how AJ worries about what Sam’s gifts will bring to them and their family in the future. I don’t know if I can do that Corrine.”

I swallowed hard. I knew that things hadn’t been ideal between the two of us, but I wasn’t ready to concede to defeat either. I took a deep breath. “Brian, what are you saying?”

He looked away for a moment and ran his hand through his closely cropped blonde hair. He didn’t bother to look at me when he finally spoke. “I don’t know for sure. Corrine, what would you say if I asked you to stop the magick?”

I would have been less surprised if he had struck me. “Give up magick,” I repeated in outrage. “How can you ask me that?”

“That’s what I’m asking,” Brian countered, his features settling into stubborn lines as if he’d known what my answer would be. “But it’s not going to get me anywhere, is it?”

“This is something that you’ve been thinking about for a while isn’t it?” I asked, unwilling to believe it could be true.

“And what if I have?” he retorted, not backing down at all.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Did he seriously expect me to stop practicing magick now that it was suddenly coming together for me? Samantha and I came from two different approaches to magick and we had agreed to try learning each other’s Tradition in the last few months. It meant doubling our workload and that meant we might need to quit school in order to keep up.

It wasn’t a real big deal for me since I had the trust fund that Eliza had started for me and luckily it wasn’t an impossible situation for Samantha either, since AJ had a very lucrative writing career. How could I walk away from all that? More importantly, how could Brain think it was okay to ask me?

My temper was barely in check and I was taking deep breaths to keep it that way as the kettle began to whistle. I turned to shut off the burner, but instead of facing Brian again I braced my hands on either side of the stove. “This conversation will only turn ugly if it continues,” I told him with in tightly controlled voice. “I think it’s best if we just leave it for the time being and think things over.”

“Corrine, I-”

“No. I’d like you to leave Brian. Please.”

Brian didn’t move for a long moment, but when he saw that I wasn’t going to budge, I heard him walk to the front door and quietly close it behind him.


	3. Trying to Get Back to Normal

_I need to get my bearings_   
_I'm lost_   
_And the shadows keep on changing_   
_ Poe - Haunted_

The next couple of weeks were pretty strained ones for Brian and me. I was still trying to cope with the loss of Mac and the fact that I would never have the chance to get to know him better. Guilt set in when I realized that I had taken my birth father for granted and that I was wrong to have thought we had all the time in the world to create our own special kind of relationship. Mac would have never replaced my Dad or the unique bond that we had as Daddy and daughter, but now I would never know just how close we could have become.

A demon had seen to that.

Brian’s words the night of my return from Galway had a perverse effect on me. I began to doubt whether I was doing the right thing by carrying on my family’s tradition in the world of the Dreamspeakers and I wondered what the future held for the two of us as a couple.

I found it continually harder to concentrate on anything. Finals were coming and I was determined to do well despite the circumstances but studying quickly became the hardest thing for me to do.

My magick lessons with Jared were suffering, too. “Just take a deep breath,” he told me every time I apologized when I messed up on something really basic that I had been able to do with ease a few weeks before. I never let on to him that I was having doubts about my role in the world and I think that he took my fumbling as recovery from loosing Mac and never lost his temper with me.

Brian and I continued to see each other almost every night in the next few weeks and many times he tried to bring up the subject of our argument the night I had returned from Galway. Each time I would quickly cut him off, changing the topic of conversation to something neutral because I was too confused to really know what to do or say.

I also avoided any discussion about Eliza. A person would have to be blind to miss the way that his eyes clouded with hurt every time I avoided the two topics, but how could I tell him the truth about either? It didn’t seem fair to lie to him and I felt the gap between us widening with each passing day.

~*~*~*~*~

My worry for Eliza’s newfound freedom escalated when Mac’s childe, James Price, visited my apartment a few nights after my return. He brought with him a bouquet of beautiful violet orchids and he told me how sorry he was about Mac.

“He was a good man,” he said after taking a seat as I extinguished the candle that I had lit in a feeble attempt to meditate in order to get my mind off things. Brian had called twenty minutes before James’ arrival to say that he was on his way back to Salem from closing the store in Boston so I was glad that I would have that excuse to cut off the discussion with Mac’s childe when he arrived. I knew James fairly well and he was a nice guy, but he was Tremere and I had to be careful around him as much as the others of Mac’s old clan.

“Thank you,” I said, taking a seat across from him and tucking my feet beneath me. “It was nice of the clan to send flowers to the service. My grandparents appreciated it greatly.”

Something danced across his eyes at the mention of Mac’s parents, but I wasn’t sure if it was fear or the reminder that I wasn’t a mere mortal girl that he could push around with his vampiric methods. Mac had respected the other man enough to give him the blood that had made James like him, but he wasn’t fooling me into thinking that this was a casual visit.

Eliza had been absent from the clan for about two weeks now and I imagined that they were getting pretty anxious about having her back. Since they could truly dissect her now that Mac was gone, they might be getting really antsy, but they weren’t going to get anything out of me. Using every ounce of will I had, I locked away all knowledge of my real mother to the deepest recesses of my mind so that their spy would get nothing from me.

“I’ll be sure to pass that along,” he said with a slight smile that didn’t do much to mask his uneasiness. He only ended up staying for another ten minutes, but in that time he had managed to bring up Eliza’s name at least a half a dozen times. I didn’t take his bait. I truthfully informed him that I hadn’t seen Eliza since the funeral. Nor had I heard from her in that time. What I didn’t tell him was that I knew she had returned to Nashville with Glenn and Siofra until she could figure out what her next move would be.

~*~*~*~*~

Christmas was fast approaching, but I couldn’t seem to find the holiday spirit. I helped Brian decorate his house with a beautiful tree and lights outside that twinkled at night. One evening when I was studying for my last final before break, he mentioned doing the same in my apartment, but I declined.

“I just don’t feel like it,” I confessed, putting down the notes that I was only half studying as I glanced over to where he was sitting next to me on the couch. We were at his house and I was spending the night even though the obvious signs of holiday cheer only made me wonder how Eliza was doing in Nashville. No doubt Glenn and Siofra had decorated their house for Ian’s first Christmas, even though they, too, were feeling the loss of Mac’s death. I found myself hoping for at least the twentieth time that day that Eliza was all right.

Brian pulled me into his arms and kissed my hair. He held me for a long time as we watched the flames dance in the fireplace of his cozy living room and for a brief instance, I felt a small amount of peace for the first time since Mac’s death. I knew that things between Brian and I still weren’t perfect but being in his embrace helped to suppress the worst of the confusion and worry that was constantly running through my brain.

I spent Christmas day in Bar Harbor, where I found out that someone had been out to see my parents and whoever they were, they were asking about Eliza’s whereabouts.

“Did you know who they were?” I asked, trying not to show the panic that had taken a hold of my heart. We were just finishing up dinner on Christmas Eve and Mom was in the kitchen putting leftovers away.

“Never saw them before,” Dad said, eyeing me carefully, but not saying anything. “Is she alright?”

I found myself looking down at the lace tablecloth that my grandma had made before I was born and wondered what to say. I hated lying to my parents, but I still hadn’t told them that I could do magick or that I knew that Mac and Eliza were my birth parents. The best thing to do was to create a story of half truths until I had enough time to really explain everything that was going on.

“Not really,” I told my Dad, still looking at the table. I could already feel tears forming in my eyes and my voice nearly broke when I spoke. “Her boyfriend just died and-”

“Did you say someone died, honey?” Mom asked as she came back into the dining room with fresh apple pie for dessert. “Who was that?”

“Eliza’s boyfriend, Martina,” Dad told her as he reached over and placed his hand over mine for a quick squeeze. “I’m really sorry to hear that, Corrine. I was glad for her when you told us that she had found someone. How is she doing?”

“She’s sad, but I’m hoping that she’ll come around eventually,” I said as I wiped my eyes with my other hand. Mom quickly put the pie down on the table and came to put her hand on my shoulder.

“Well, you give her our best when you see her,” she said as she hugged me to her. “That poor girl has always had a hard time of it. If she needs anything… a place to stay, a shoulder to cry on, anything… you tell her to give us a call.”

I couldn’t think of a time that I loved my mom more as I looked up at her and smiled. “Thanks, Mom, I will. I’m sure Eliza will appreciate it.”

“Well, let’s not let your mother’s pie get any colder,” Dad said as he, too, smiled at the both of us and gave my hand one more squeeze before letting it go.

Mom moved back to where she had left the pie and as I watched her cut and dish out the dessert, I hoped that I had nothing to fear for their safety. My parents didn’t know where Eliza was, and I knew that the clan wouldn’t risk exposure trying to get blood from a turnip. But the fact that they had come to the farm annoyed me greatly. I had been hoping that they would let Eliza go to deal with her grief in peace. Obviously, I was wrong.

As I sat alone in my bedroom later that night, I recalled a conversation that I’d had with Eliza on the day of Mac’s funeral that had made me hope that she would decide to not go back to the vampires. I had discovered her standing alone in the bedroom that she and I had shared in my grandparent’s house, a piece of paper in her clenched hands. She’d looked so pretty in the black dress that I had gone to town to buy for the funeral. Pretty, yet fragile at the same time.

I knew that the crowd had been getting to her and the bouquet of flowers that had arrived from the Tremere Clan had bore a note for her that I hadn’t seen her read yet. When I opened the door, I saw that she had taken her few minutes of solace to see what they had to tell her.

“What did they say?” I’d asked as I closed the door firmly behind me.

I’d startled her, something I had never done before. “Who?” she’d asked, not realizing what I was talking about until she looked down at the note in her hand. “They’re sending their condolences,” she had replied dryly, almost coldly. “They don’t want me to forget--” she had stopped then and crumpled the note into a tiny ball. “They offered to help if I needed it,” she had finished.

I’d moved to her side, not sure what she had meant. “Help you with what?”

I had known that she was Mac’s ghoul, but I had never been told exactly what that meant, and I was beginning to think that there was more to their arrangement then I had first thought.

“Doesn’t matter,” she had told me with a shrug as she looked out the bedroom window. “The flowers were nice, though.”

“Eliza,” I had pressed, knowing there was more to the situation than what she was letting on. “You don’t have to shelter me from them anymore. Are they ordering you to come back or something?”

“No, luv, not in so many words. More like a reminder of where they think I belong.” She had opened her hand then and offered me the crumpled note to read for myself.

_Eliza,_

_You have our deepest sympathies for your loss. Cormac was a valuable member of our family, and he will be missed. If there is anything we can do to help you during this difficult time, please don’t hesitate to call. You are still a part of our family, and we will do our best to take care of your needs. You don’t have to be alone, now or ever again._

_Elvira Van Dorn_

_Ford Radek_

I had finished reading the note then folded it neatly and as I watched she glanced in my direction over her shoulder. “Could you walk away if you wanted?” I asked after a minute.

“I could try.” She had hugged her stomach then and looked back out the window and what she said next cut me to the bone. “I can’t imagine they’d let me go real easy. There aren’t many freaks like me out there. If I don’t go back I’ll be running for a long time.”

“You aren’t a freak,” I had scolded her. “If you are, then so am I and I don’t feel like a freak.” I’d gone to her then and put my arms around her while she did the same to me. “I’m very lucky for the life I have and that is because of you.”

I’ll never forget how close she’d held me to her, her head on my shoulder. “You’re human, luv, just like Mac was. I’ve done what I could to take care of you, to make sure you had the chance to live like he should have. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and safe.”

“I am safe, and I want you to be safe, too,” I had told her, then we both fell silent for a while. “I don’t think you should go back.”

“I don’t know what I’ll do yet,” she had said softly. “I’ve got a lot to think about, I’m not ready to make any decisions yet.”

I gave her an extra squeeze. “Well, always remember that I am here for you and whatever you decide I will back you on 100%.”

“I know, sweetheart.” She had pulled back then and had tried to smile. “I think I’m going to go to bed now. You don’t have to stay with me unless you want to.”

I’d smiled back. “I’ll stay with you. I just want to go say goodnight to everyone.”

I will never forget how the moonlight bounced our reflections off the windowpane that night and how I had marveled at this woman who was more than twice my age but looked no older than my sister. I remember wondering if I could ever hold even the smallest percentage of her strength. I hoped that I would some day and I also hoped that one day she would know happiness for longer than a moment.

~*~*~*~*~

I traveled to Galway two days after Christmas via a portal that Jared opened for me when I returned from Bar Harbor. Being at my childhood home for a few days had been a relief of sorts even though I hadn’t seen it that way at the time. I had been able to escape the constant sadness that had filled my heart over Mac’s abrupt death. I had also able to set aside some of my incessant worry about what would happen to Eliza now that he was gone.

Returning to Ireland brought all the emotions back three-fold, especially when I saw the faces of my Grandmother and Grandfather. It was as if Grandfather had aged ten years in the past few weeks and I found myself praying to any God that would listen to help keep him healthy. I had no idea how old he was, but I knew that he couldn’t take much more pain in his life and survive.

I learned that Glenn had taken Eliza to Salem earlier in the day to get some of her things from the house that she and Mac had shared with James. They had only returned to Galway about an hour or so before I arrived, and Eliza was still going through some stuff as she repacked it from the hurried mess that she and the others had thrown it together in.

“Did you get everything that you wanted?” I asked her from the chair I was sitting on in a corner of the room that we were once again sharing.

“If I didn’t then I don’t need it,” she replied as she stopped to take a look at the clothes and other personal effects that were scattered on the bed.

“If you do think of something, I don’t want you to go back. It wouldn’t be too obvious if I went in fo-”

“You won’t go one foot toward that house,” she told me as she whirled to face me. Her eyes were filled with a wild expression that said just how alarmed the thought of me going back to the house made her. “Do you hear me? If I didn’t get it then I don’t need it. Promise me.”

I swallowed, slightly put out that she didn’t think me capable of doing something as easy as sneaking into a house during the day while James slept. “Fine,” I whispered, sinking back sulkily in the chair.

Eliza crossed the room until she stood in front of me and dropped so that she was sitting on her heels as she took my hand. “Luv, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just know they’re not going to be happy with the fact I’m not coming back, and I don’t want them to try and use you as a bargaining chip for my obedience again. If I thought you’d listen, I’d tell you to get the hell out of Salem, but if you have to stay there, please promise me you’ll at least try and stay out of their way.”

I squeezed her hand reassuringly. “I have no reason to be near them now, so of course I’ll stay out of their way. I won’t leave Salem, though, and I appreciate the fact that you respect my wishes enough to not attempt to talk me into going. If I leave too, then that fuels their desire to find you. With me still close then they feel like they still have some control.”

“Oh, and that makes me feel better,” she replied sarcastically as she pushed herself to a standing position again and looked down at me. “I can see you’ve been lounging around too much. Time to get off your butt and help me pack.”

“Okay, fine,” I said with a smile as I stood as well and approached the bed. “What do you want me to do?”


	4. What Was That About ‘All Good Things’…?

_When you were here_   
_I did not know just how I had embraced_   
_All that you hid behind your face_   
_Could not hide from me_   
_'Cause it hid in me too_   
_ Poe - If You Were Here_

### January, 2001

In the beginning of January, three days before my birthday, I found out that Eliza was moving when she called and excitedly gave me the news. Apparently, Glenn had managed to find a little house for sale on an island off the coast of Virginia and he bought it for her as a place where she could have some kind of life, away from the influence of the Tremere. Silently I thanked him for hopefully making it so that Eliza could finally find some peace of mind.

I had visited her in Nashville a few times in the weeks between the funeral and Christmas, just to be sure that she was going to be okay. Getting over Mac’s death wasn’t something that she would get over quickly, nor was it something anyone expected her to do in a short amount of time. I wanted her to know that I was there for her if she needed me.

During those visits, I was relieved by the knowledge that she no longer had any of the visible cuts and bruises that she had received in the fight with the demon. But she still looked very withdrawn and gaunt while we were in Ireland with the family and later when I came to Nashville. I also noticed during those visits that she was jumpy; like she expected someone to come for her at any moment, but I didn’t know how I could take that edginess from her.

When I had asked Glenn how she was doing his answer hadn’t settled well with me. He vaguely said something about how she felt that it was time for her move on. He tried to tell me that even Nashville held memories of Mac and that both he and Siofra thought that she would be better with a change of scenery. That was when he had begun to look for a place where she could go that was untouched by any of the nightwalkers.

The excitement in Eliza’s voice was like an answered prayer as she told me about the house over the phone. She asked me if I wanted to come see it and to help her settle it.

“Of course, I will,” I told her, knowing that I still had over a week before the new term started and that I couldn’t think of anything better then going to help her. Eliza told me that she would talk to Glenn and ask him to open a portal me the next day and then we said our goodbyes.

~*~*~*~*~

I was in the middle of throwing some warm weather clothes in a bag for the trip the next day when a knock sounded on the door. I glanced at my watch and saw that I still had a half an hour before Glenn was scheduled to arrive so I went to the door, wondering who it could be and silently reminding myself to call Brian to let him know I was going away.

As if produced by my own thoughts, there he stood when I looked out the peephole. “Surprise,” Brian said when I opened the door. He was holding a basket loaded with food in one hand and a blanket in the other, obviously prepared for a picnic regardless of the fact that it was about twenty degrees outside.

“Isn’t it a little cold for a picnic?” I asked with a smile as I stepped aside so he could enter.

“Not for an inside one,” he replied, his brows wagging with his characteristic good humor as he stopped long enough to kiss me before continuing into the apartment as I shut the door behind him. “I thought I would surpri-” his voice dropped off and I knew that he had seen my half-packed bag on the couch. I could tell by the way he was standing ramrod straight that he was angry, but I wasn’t sure how to avoid it.

“I was going to call you,” I started as I slipped my hands in the back pockets of my jeans. “I have to go away for a few days.”

“Again?” he asked, quizzically as he turned to face me, hurt and confusion plainly written on his features.

I cleared my throat as I wondered how best to respond. “Yes. I know it’s really short notice and that you wanted me to go with you to see your parents this weekend, but-”

“But you have to jet off somewhere,” he finished for me curtly as he dropped the basket on the coffee table with a thud and threw the blanket on top of it. When he turned to face me again his features were set with determination as he crossed his arms across his chest. “And where is it this time Corrine? Ireland again? Nashville? Or is there some other secretive place that you will refuse to tell me about?”

“Brian,” I began, as I pulled my determination together for another round with him. Our relationship had suffered a great deal since Mac’s death, and I would admit that it was mostly my fault. I had accepted that because of his relationship with Brenda, I couldn’t tell Brian where Eliza was staying because there was no way to expect it to remain between the two of us. Not that I didn’t trust him, but I just couldn’t take the chance of the knowledge slipping out during conversation or that Brenda might accidentally read it in his mind, or worse, do it under the direction of her clan. He wasn’t happy that I refused to talk about Eliza and while I knew it wasn’t fair to him, I also knew that I had to protect him and Eliza from the Tremere finding out where she was, no matter what the cost.

If he didn’t know then he couldn’t tell. End of story.

I had hoped that Brian would have taken the same position that Jared had. My mentor had asked about Eliza only once and had taken the fact that I said she was fine at face value and had never brought her up again. Even when I asked him to help me set up some wards around my apartment to guard against vampires, he hadn’t said anything, but I was sure he knew that I had asked to keep the Tremere out. There was no other reason.

Brian had become a great deal more demanding on my time since Mac’s death and had started making vague suggestions again that I should stop my magick studies and go back to a full class load. He really thought that my decision to cut back on the number of classes that I was taking to study dual Traditions was a bad idea and he thought that Samantha wasn’t spending enough time with Brendan. I ignored his comments for the most part because I had the feeling he was trying to pick a fight and I wasn’t falling for it. Maybe he hoped that if he badgered me enough about magick that I would forget about it. He had another thought coming.

He also started to talk more about children and settling down. Before Mac died, I would have welcomed the thought of marrying Brian and having lots of kids with him, but now I wasn’t so sure. Aside from that fact that I still felt like I was too young to think about marriage at the moment, I couldn’t bear the thought that I might one day die like Mac had and leave Brian behind to pick up the pieces. I had witnessed firsthand what Mac’s violent death had done to Eliza and I didn’t want Brian to go through that. And I definitely didn’t want to worry about children and how they might be affected. For now, it was better to not put myself in that kind of a situation. Not until I felt more confident in my abilities.

I was beginning to doubt Brian’s place in my life, and I knew I had good reason to. He didn’t have a place in my world. He was human, mortal and fragile. I was being selfish to hold onto him, but I didn’t think that we would make it much longer anyhow. The decision might be taken out of my hands. Maybe tonight by the look in his eyes.

I watched as he silently crossed to the back of the apartment to put some space between us, until he could look out the large window that faced downtown. “I can’t do this anymore, Corrine,” he said calmly, and I felt my heart lurch. So, it had begun.

I didn’t know how to respond. “Brian…” What could I say? _Listen, I know that you are being hurt, but you just have to bear in mind that what I’m doing is for your best interest?_ Or what about this, _I know you think I’m a bitch for lying to you and I’m sorry but...._

“I need to know what our relationship means to you,” he continued evenly, still looking out the window. “Where do you and I fit into your life, Corrine? Because I’m pretty sure there are other people more important to you than I am.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and went to stand behind him. “Brian, you have to understand that there are going to be things that I can’t tell you,” I said, hating myself for the further pain I was causing him. “Not because I don’t trust you, but because I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

He turned to face me and lifted his hands to put them on my shoulders. “Is that why you won’t tell me where Eliza is? Is that why you always change the subject when I ask about her? Corrine, you have to know that I-”

“I know that you would never intentionally do anything to hurt me or Eliza,” I interrupted. I decided to attempt to be partially honest with him to see if he could accept what I offered, then go from there. “But you have to understand that my silence is meant to protect you, not hurt you.”

“Protect me?” he scoffed, his face contorting in disbelief. “Corrine, this is ridiculous. How would knowing where Eliza is put me in any danger?”

“It just would,” I said as I pulled away from him.

I watched as all the fight drained out of his features. The blue eyes that were usually filled with happiness or a mischievous twinkle were now dull and sad, and I knew that I was to blame for it. It hurt to know that I was doing this to him, but I knew it was for the best. It wasn’t the answer I was hoping for, but in the back of my mind I knew it was the one I was going to get in the end.

Brian lifted his hand halfway and let it linger in the air between us. “I can’t do this anymore,” he whispered again, and I reached out to firmly clasp his hand in mine.

I knew that I had no right to fight for him anymore. The time had come to face the bed that I had made and to lie in it. “I am so sorry,” I told him; tears of regret pooling in my eyes so that I couldn’t see him anymore.

Without a word, Brian pulled me into his arms for what I knew would be the last time. I memorized the feel of him, knowing that when he walked out that door I would be alone and that these last lingering moments would have to carry me forward, maybe for the rest of my life because I didn’t know if I could become involved with anyone else ever again. His hands were warm and gentle as he moved them soothingly up and down my back, pulling me closer to him at the same time. I heard his voice as he told me that everything was going to be okay, but I heard it catch in the back of his throat and I pulled back to look at him.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I chocked, but he put a finger to my lips as his other hand moved to the back of my head.

“Shh, it’s alright,” he told me as he wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I think that we both need this. I love you Corrine, really, I do. I just can’t live like this. You are meant to do great things and me, I’m meant to be here and live a quiet life.”

He looked deep in my eyes for a moment then said, “I don’t know what life holds for either of us but promise me this. Promise me that you will be careful. Don’t do anything stupid and never give up.”

I couldn’t speak. It was like he was seeing into the future and he knew something bad was going to happen. He was okay with us parting ways and he was giving one final gift before he took his leave of me.

Fresh tears slipped past my lashes as I nodded and leaned in to kiss him one last time. Our lips met and I felt the familiar softness that was Brian and I lingered there even though I knew it was wrong. His tongue pushed into my mouth and I welcomed it like food to a starving person. The kiss deepened and I found myself wishing that he would make love to me one last time.

I knew it wouldn’t be healthy for either of us, but dear Gaia I wanted something to be right for once. To not have everything toppled over in a world that didn’t seem to want to make sense anymore. A crazed world where people died before they were supposed to and when others were hunted for what they were. We lived in the twenty-first century for God’s sake, when were people going to understand the basic laws that were handed down to us from the loving nature of the eternal Mother? When would the hate and destruction stop?

It was Brian who pulled away first, as if sensing if this went on any longer something was going to happen between us. We stood there in each other’s arms as we breathed deeply to calm our racing hearts. I was clinging to him, but I knew he would eventually walk out the door and out of my life, perhaps forever.

“I gotta go,” he said finally and when he pulled away it took all my strength to not clench my fingers on the sweater that he wore and beg him to stay.

I nodded mutely. There was nothing more I could do to make things right between us and he walked out, quietly closing the door behind him. He was gone.

Somehow, I was able to move after about five minutes or so. I was prodded by the fact that Glenn would be there soon, and I knew that I didn’t want him to see me like I was. I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face and pulled myself together enough to finish packing. I held on to the fact that soon I would be with Eliza and for the moment, that was where I belonged.

I knew that I should call Sam and tell her myself what had just happened between Brian and me, but I didn’t think I could keep my voice steady enough to talk to her. As I pulled closed the zipper on the case, I took the coward’s way out and told myself I would have to talk to her when I got back. I hated myself, but I did it anyway.


	5. Moving On

_He sends his love_  
_He wanted you to know_  
_He isn't holding a grudge_  
_And if you are you should let go_  
_ Poe - intro: call to mother_

Eliza’s new house was a cozy one. It was tucked into rolling hills with green grasses and shrubs growing lushly between it and the ocean. There are a few trees in the backyard, once you got a bit away from the water, whose branches blew gracefully in the warm breezes of the Atlantic like someone beckoning for you to play in the waves of their neighbor. The entire scene created an overall effect of isolation since you couldn’t see any of the houses nearby, or the road for that matter, unless you were on the second floor of either the house or the apartment over the attached garage.

The house had two bedrooms, a kitchen, living room and bath on the main floor while the master bedroom, bath, and loft type area took up the second floor. The garage held a laundry area and the second floor had been converted into a small apartment with a bed/living room that overlooked the pool and had its own bath. It reminded me of my apartment in Salem, but there was something more homey and ‘tucked away’ feeling when you stood inside it.

Everything was fully furnished, which was a good thing since Eliza had only brought personal effects with her from Salem and she didn’t have much money if she would have needed to buy the necessary items herself.

I had agreed to spend five days with her on the island to help her settle in. I wanted to stay longer, but I didn’t want to be away from Salem for too long. I didn’t want to attract the attention of the Tremere with my prolonged absences so they would dig around. I felt a little better because Siofra and Ian were staying as well and would be there a few days more after I returned.

I also wanted to check in with Brian as soon as possible to see how he was doing. I knew I was responsible for the hurt that he was going through and even though I didn’t want to cause him anymore, I felt that I needed to lend him some comfort, odd as that sounded. I had a delusional thought that we might be able to remain friends after all this, but in the back of my mind I knew that it might not happen. I already felt alone in Salem. I was hoping that I didn’t have to lose him totally.

“I don’t want the Tremere hassling you,” Eliza said sadly as she showed me to the bedroom across the hall from hers where I would sleep. “Maybe you should stay away from me,” she added in an unconvincing tone. 

I felt my face as it twisted slightly at her preposterous idea. “Are you crazy?” I scoffed at her good-naturedly, as I put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to me in a way that I hoped would assure her that the Tremere didn’t scare me. “You can’t keep me away, so don’t even try. I’ve told them that I don’t know where you are and that’s that. I’m not going to let them keep me from you and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

A change in conversation was strongly needed at the moment and I remembered seeing Mac’s laptop downstairs when I first arrived. “I see you grabbed the laptop. Want me to show you a few things?” I suggested.

Technology wasn’t her strong suit. Eliza was better with physical tasks, but she had a fresh start now and she would need a job. Computer training could help her to get one.

She shrugged slightly. “If you want. I’m not sure why I took it; I don’t know the first thing about computers.”

We went downstairs and after a couple of hours I was able to get Eliza a little more familiar with using the computer, while Siofra played with Ian in the living room. It was a grateful distraction to work with her and not think about Brian. I had managed to pull myself together before Glenn had arrived, but I was really afraid that Eliza would sense that something was wrong and ask about what was bothering me. It was a relief to be out of Salem for a few days, but I wasn’t ready yet to talk about the breakup.

We spent the rest of the evening just trying to be normal. I made dinner for the four of us and I couldn’t believe how nice it was to see Eliza unwind finally. From recent conversations with her I had begun to suspect that something had happened in Nashville that had prompted this move that she hadn’t told me. Part of me wanted to ask about it, but I had to concede to the fact that my birth mother had been through too much in the past few months and deserved the time to start to get on with her life. So, even though it killed me not to ask, I didn’t.

~*~*~*~*~

“How’s Brian?” Eliza asked the following night. We had just sat down on the porch in the back of the house to think about what to do for dinner. We had spent the entire day cleaning and moving all the furniture in the house how Eliza wanted it and we were too tired to put anything together. Personally, I was voting for pizza until she decided to bring up Brian. Then I lost my appetite entirely.

I was pretty sure that I flinched at the mention of his name, but luckily Siofra was inside giving Ian a bath and Eliza wasn’t looking in my direction when she’d asked, so my discomfort went unnoticed. “Fine,” I said noncommittally. “Busy.”

Her gaze moved to me quickly and I hoped that my short answer hadn’t tipped her off. “How is he dealing with you being gone so much?”

So my facial expression didn’t betray me, I stood and went to the porch railing so that my back was to her. “He asks questions and so far I’ve been able to hold him off.”

“Corrine, you have to be careful,” she warned. “He doesn’t know what it’s like to live in our world except by the exposure he gets from you. He isn’t submerged in the bullshit like we are.”

“You’re right,” I said quietly, guilt from the pain I had given Brian surfacing again, causing tears to effect my voice. “He can’t know what it’s like. I don’t know if it’s fair to keep him like this….”

“It’s not fair to you either, luv.” I felt her behind me even before she put her hands on my shoulders. “It’s hard trying to live a normal life with people who don’t know what’s really out there. At least he knows that there are other things out there, you don’t have to lie to him all the time.”

I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t tell her that I had hurt him so much that it would have been better if I had lied to him from the beginning. I remember how defiant I had been in the beginning of our relationship. I hadn’t wanted to start anything with him that had been based on lies. I had fought with both Mac and Eliza that I would have that kind of relationship with Brian and that was final. It was a hard pill to swallow knowing how stupid I had been. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him to begin with.

I knew that I had to make up something to tell Eliza to cover the raw emotion that I knew could be heard in my voice when I spoke. “Part of me wants to stop this now before one of us gets hurt,” I told her, knowing it was my guilty conscience that was actually talking. “But another part wonders what if… what if he’s it… what if he’s the one.”

Eliza dropped her hands and I felt the cool night air replace the spot where she had stood as she moved away from me. “If he was you’d know it, luv,” she told me very softly, her voice strained by her words. I heard what was now becoming a familiar sound of a lighter as she lit up a cigarette and then blew the smoke out. She had started smoking while living in Nashville with Glenn and Siofra and even though I knew it went against her nature to be so unhealthy, I also knew she was stressed and so I hadn’t said anything about it. “For real now, if he was, you wouldn’t be wondering, and nothing would matter as long as you could be with him.”

I looked over my shoulder at her and watched her back as she inhaled again before I spoke. “Remember when you took me to New York?” I asked, my hands still on the railing. “To that neighborhood where you lived as a girl? You said that if I ever found someone that I would have lived there, in that neighborhood with, that he was the one. Do you remember that?”

“I remember,” she replied in a tightly controlled voice as she looked to the floor of the porch.

I knew that the subject we were on was too close to mirroring the fact that Mac was gone, and I silently cursed myself for not changing the subject before now. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Eliza more and I gently probed her thoughts to make sure she was okay. She was still so sad, but that wasn’t really anything new from what she had been experiencing since Mac’s death. Knowing that he was the love of her life gave me new guilt to live with and I crossed to her and put my arms around her.

“Enough of this. Let’s go for a walk on the beach. What do you say?” I knew that neither of us would be able to eat just yet and maybe physical exertion would bring back our appetites.

She hugged me back, keeping the cigarette away from me and trying to keep her face turned away until she could wipe her eyes before she spoke. “Finish what you were saying first, what about the trip we took to New York?”

I knew that I wouldn’t get away until I answered, but I didn’t want to linger on the subject any longer than I had to. “I don’t know. I think I’d live there with him, but it’s hard right now. But isn’t that what relationships are all about? It isn’t always easy.”

My face was in the gentle curve of her neck and I felt Eliza rest her head against mine. “No, it’s not always easy.” She crushed out her cigarette and wiped her eyes before turning around to face me. “Walk on the beach then?”

I nodded. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to remind you of anything. I miss him, too.”

She smiled, but there was so much sadness in her expression that you could see it even if you didn’t know her like I did. “Everything reminds me of him, Corrine, it wasn’t anything you did. I thought it would be better here, but…” she looked off then, almost as if she was looking at something that I couldn’t see even if I tried. “I know you miss him, luv, but it will get better. Your pain will heal.”

“So will yours,” I assured her. “We’ll get through this…together.”

It was a brave smile she put on, but it was enough for me. “Let’s go. Maybe the fresh air will clear my head.”

Conversation during our walk along the beach swiftly turned to the Tremere and whether I was safe in Salem or not. I was quick to tell her that everything was fine, but she didn’t believe me.

“I wish I could be there to make sure it stayed that way.”

“I think they are convinced that I don’t know where you are,” I informed her. “No one has stopped by since James did just after I returned. I talked to Jared and he agreed to put some wards on my apartment. I came here through a portal so they can’t track me. Don’t worry, please. You have so much to worry about without me adding to it.”

Eliza bent over to pick up a handful of pebbles and started to throw them one by one into the ocean as we walked. “I know. You’ve got other people to look after you now, but I still worry. I really thought about going back to Salem, Corrine, but I just don’t think I could have done it.”

I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. I can come to you. Soon I’ll be able to come to you on my own and that will cut out Glenn and Siofra as middlemen.” Honestly I didn’t know when I would be able to open the portals on my own, but I didn’t want to tell Eliza that and make her edgier than she already was. Glenn had talked about installing a magickal ‘swinging’ door of sorts that would allow me to say a word and be able to travel to Nashville, Ireland and Eliza’s new place here on the island. I had to admit that I liked the idea since I could go when I wanted, and I wouldn’t have to wait for someone to come ‘pick me up’.

“I just—I want you to be careful, Corrine,” Eliza said as she stopped and put a hand on my arm so that I would stop as well. “I don’t want you in any danger. If I thought they’d hurt you…” she trailed off and looked out over the water. “I’d rather go back to the Tremere than see anything happen to you.”

“If I thought I was in any danger believe me, I’d be out of there so fast I’d create a mini tornado,” I assured her. “I could find a mentor anywhere. But if I did, that would be like running away. Mac wouldn’t want me to do that. I know it. I’m standing my ground and not budging an inch.”

“Mac would want you to be safe, Corrine,” she insisted fiercely. “I can’t make sure they leave you alone, not anymore. Maybe you should go to Galway, the Brennan’s would be able to teach you, and they’d be more than happy to have you come live with them.”

I smiled at her, knowing that she was only trying to look out for me like she always had. “Let’s just wait and see what happens, okay? I’m not really big with the whole sticking my neck out anymore than the next person, but I have a good bond with Jared, and I am learning from him. Besides that, Sam and I are learning each others’ Traditions. I don’t want to make any rash decisions right now, okay. Trust me, I won’t do anything stupid.”

She studied me for a long moment, then smiled a little and turned to start walking down the beach again. “I could try to argue with you, but you’ll just do what you want to anyway.” She was out of pebbles now and the breeze coming off the water must have made her cold because she began to rub her bare arms as if to ward off the cool air. “Maybe they’ll give up if I’m not seen for a while. Maybe then I can visit Nashville without worrying about them every time I leave the house.”

“I’m sure they will,” I said, hoping I was convincing as I quickened my pace to catch up. The time outside had done a great deal to invigorate me and now I felt like making a feast for us. “No more talk about the Tremere, okay? Let’s go to the market and splurge a little. How about lobster for dinner? What do you say?”

She smiled again and nodded. “Sounds good.”

The next two days were beautiful. Eliza, Siofra and I took long walks everyday and sat on the beach long into the night with a fire to keep us warm after Ian went to sleep. The house was really perfect for anyone who wanted quiet time to themselves. We met the neighbors and they all seemed to welcome Eliza openly, some of them even dropping off casseroles during my visit.

But something else happened. Late at night, when I was trying to fall asleep, I started to wonder about one of the things that Brian had said to me in my apartment that day. He had told me that I was meant to do great things and that he was meant to live a quiet life. The comment started turning over and over in my head in the blackness of night and for the first time since my Awakening I began to wonder about, and doubt, my magick.

Was I doing the right thing? Was following in the steps of my family going to mean that I would never find a relationship? Part of me knew that it wasn’t true when both my grandparents and Glenn and Siofra seemed to be perfectly content together. What it did tell me though was that they were all mages and maybe that was the only kind of relationship I could make work.

I tried to keep my mind from wondering if there was a mage or some other supernatural creature out there that I could be compatible with in a relationship. What if there wasn’t? What if I never found him?

Following that were the doubts concerning how much talent I had or didn’t have. I started to wonder if I had what it took to be useful in finding the ascension all of my kind were looking for. Even though all these worries began to surface during the few days I spent with Eliza, I managed to keep them and my breakup with Brian from her and made the best of our time together.

Aside from that it was a relaxing time to be with her, but I was also concerned about how Brian was doing. When I left to go back to Salem on Monday I felt that Eliza was doing okay and that she had made it through the worst of it. Now I had to be sure about Brian.

~*~*~*~*~

Life settled down after that. I started visiting Eliza every other weekend to make sure she was doing okay and to replenish my own peace of mind. In reality I knew that she would be lonely all alone on the island because I was pretty sure she wouldn’t make friends very easy. To be honest, I was lonely in a way too and needed her as much as she needed me.

She got a job in a nursery the week after she moved in and I know that helped to make her feel more independent. She was using the name Beth Taylor now and she bought a golden retriever puppy to keep her company that she named Eddie. I thought it was odd that she would name her dog after Mac’s other ghoul, but she told me that she didn’t want to forget how he had helped her out when she had really needed it. I had to agree that it was a nice gesture and the puppy seemed to be good for her.

Brian was doing okay after our breakup, too. I spoke to him after I came back from the island and even though the conversation had been a brief one, I felt that our friendship was still intact, and I was really glad for that. Thankfully, my relationship with Sam hadn’t been affected because of it, either. I went to see her, and Sam was quick to assure me that she and AJ both harbored no ill feelings toward me. Apparently Brian had explained most of what had happened in our relationship to them and had made it very clear that he was okay with it and that they should be as well.

Later, after AJ had taken Brendan upstairs to give him a bath, Sam and I had a chance to talk a little about Eliza. Like Brian, I had avoided talking about her with Sam, so I was a little alarmed when she brought her up out of the blue.

“I want you to know that I don’t want to know where Eliza is,” she said as she filled our teacups. We were sitting at the kitchen table and had been catching up on things without the need to shout at each other to be heard over the busy six-month-old. “I also want you to know that if you need to talk about anything, I’m here. It won’t go any further.”

“What if Brenda asks?” I replied worriedly. “I don’t want to be the cause of a breach in your family.”

Sam smiled as she covered my hand with one of hers. “If you don’t tell me where she is, there’s not a problem, right?” she pointed out. “I can’t tell anyone what I don’t know. I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to anyone.”

I smiled at her in return and leaned over to give her a quick hug. “Thanks for understanding. I appreciate it.”

I continued to avoid the subject of Eliza with Jared, too. There was a sense of loyalty in him to Glenn and Siofra because he had known them and Eliza in Baltimore, but I still had to be careful that the Tremere might attempt to read his mind. He never pushed the issue and my studies with him, and Rachel continue on as usual. 

I guess that it was normal that Mac would haunt my dreams during the next few months. Some nights were worse than others and I found myself not able to fall back asleep. On those nights I would light the yellow candle that Eliza had given me to study my magick by and I would hold his book to my chest and cry until I had no tears left. Those were the longest nights and the ones that I wished someone were there to hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> My gaming group has always played fast and loose with the White Wolf rules, including lots of things we see in various TV shows, movies and books. We were playing mostly in the late 1990s and early 2000s so we use/used the editions available at that time. 
> 
> We also threw all the 'By Night' rules out of the window and created our own rulers in our cities. Some of the cannon White Wolf characters may show up from time to time, but don't expect them to be like the books. 
> 
> I'll be separating these stories both by character and by city, so some stories may be listed under multiple Series under my profile here on AO3. 
> 
> If you're interested in learning more about our world 'After Dark' please visit my website at www.whendarknessfalls.net.


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